i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
