Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
time to smoke my breakfast
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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