Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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