Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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