I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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