shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
