Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
