If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
