Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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