I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
