oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
