Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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