Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
