I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
