you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
