Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
