ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
