Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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