So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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