I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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