I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
