you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
