turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
