I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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