Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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