even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
