if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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