He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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