Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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