he thought i was a dude.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
