hotel room ftw
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
