Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
and you fell through a lawn chair
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
