Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
