in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
