I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
