i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
