another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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