I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
