I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
