He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
