I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
