NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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