AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
