Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
