I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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