I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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