Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
