you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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