Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
