I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
