I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
